Torn With Feelings of Guilt

Back in October, our church planted a new campus up here, on our side of town. At the time, Brad and I were so excited about the thought of having a shorter drive to church as well as being able to help plant this church. From the start, I was hesitant to dive right into serving as I had just stepped down from our MOPS group in May and had really backed off on the number of houses I was cleaning in July when Brad went back to the coorporate world. I was very much enjoying serving our family and just being able to spend more time with the kids. I had "taken things off my plate" so to speak and it felt good....very good. I was at peace. So, I volunteered to bake cookies 2 Sundays per month. This was a good fit for me but I still felt guilty for not doing more and at the same time, I felt God was saying, "Just rest and serve your family."

When we chose to start attending the north campus, we had no idea the void we would feel by not seeing our friends at church every Sunday. I honestly thought that since I saw them at playdates and small group, I would be fine. We both found that we were mistaken. There's just something about being with friends when you are praising and worshipping our Lord and Savior. We missed it, alot.

So, after a lot of discussion, and prayer, we have decided to make the drive back to the southwest side for church. I am torn because I feel like we need to stay on the north side and help them grow as well as I know Carson did so well in the classes there. On the southwest side, he tends to get overwhelmed due to all the kids in the room. With that being said, Brad and I both agree that we are at an age and a time in our lives that we need to do what's best for us and our family and not worry about what others are going to think about our decision.

I look forward to worshipping with our friends again, I just need to get over the feelings of guilt I am having.

Making Progress

Wow! I can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks since I last posted. We've definitely made mucho progress since the last post. (Pictures to come soon) As Brad puts it, "We are 2 transition strips away from completion." Our floor installer is coming tomorrow to finish putting in the transition strips. For those of you who may not know what a transition strip is, (I didn't before we got new floors in August) they are the strips that end one room and start another. Now, that is my way of explaining it but basically, they "transition" you from one one room to the other.

This past week, we had our ceramic laid and grouted in front of the front door, new trim was installed and painted in the laundry room, kitchen and living room and our bathroom was painted which also meant that our downstairs toilet got reset. Let me just tell you, I know alot of people out there have it worse but it was a pain in the butt to run upstairs every time we needed to use the restroom; especially when you have a 3 year old who has decided he'd kind of like to use the potty again!

I just told Brad tonight that it's hard to believe our kitchen floors have been in for two weeks already. Once I got some things washed and cleaned up and we started cooking and having meals in our kitchen again, it felt like it was all finally falling together. It's starting to feel like home again! The kids have been SO happy running and playing in the house just like they did before the holidays hit. Carson is also settling back into the house. He doesn't feel the need to be so clingy to me which is a welcome break.

Although we never really left, it feels good to be home!

Christmas Post #2

My beautiful floors being ripped out plank...by plank. O.k. so here you see it. I was sick! After we got home, I put a sleeping Carson into bed and got Gabby settled with a movie. I then went downstairs and took about 5 minutes to just take it all in and decide whether it would be more beneficial at that point to sit down and cry or pick up a mop and get to work. I picked the mop! I immediately got to work and then realized that I had plans to have people over twice during the upcoming week so away I went to find my phone and start texting to make cancellations. I find some days that text is the greatest. I didn't have time for conversation but wanted to get things cancelled so I didn't forget. It was soon back to work. We are blessed to have a brother-in-law whose cousin does water restoration and they were able and willing to drive down late Sunday night and start clearing the water out of our house as well as get the big industrial sized fans blowing in our house. Brad and the rest of the guys worked until around 1 a.m. At that point, all we could do was let the fans do their work. I'm not kidding when I say there were times it felt like we had 50 mph. winds whipping through our house.

On Monday we woke up and took the kids to IHOP for breakfast. There was no point in even trying to eat breakfast in our kitchen. It was torn up, unorganized and most of all, it was dirty. After breakfast, on our way home, I had my first melt down from this whole ordeal. The reality that our house was temporarily destroyed was setting in, as well as the fact that I had no idea how long it was going to take to get it all put back together. Add to this, CHRISTMAS WAS COMING! We were less than a week away and all the fun stuff I had thought to do with the kids at home that week was quickly becoming just that.....a thought.

It didn't take me long to realize that while there was SO MUCH to be done, there was NOTHING that I could presently do to help the situation until our house was dry so I decided to pack up the kids again and head to my parent's house in Shipshewana. While all I really wanted to do was be home after being gone all weekend, I couldn't stand to be in my own house. It was depressing and overwhelming.

We spent a good portion of that week at mom and dad's. Thank God they were willing to take us in and feed us. It helped to get my mind off of things and I got some quality time with my little niece which seemed to lift my spirits.

Here I sit, 13 days later and our house is still torn up. We've been staring at concrete floors and are quite frankly, sick of them. It just doesn't feel very "homey." It feels cold and looks like someone started to remodel and then just stopped and had the house reposessed. We have our new flooring all picked out and I am counting down the days that they start installing.

Reconstruction starts in 5 days......