Carson Update

Since I'm on a roll with the blogging tonight and don't know when I'll next get back to it, thought I'd better give an update on my little boy! For the most part, Carson is doing great. He has mastered the goals of strengthening his fine motor skills and is adapting to change better than he was back in June. We still have a little ways to go but I feel that it will be an ongoing thing with him and will be something we work on each and every day until he's old enough to cope with these things without assistance.
His communication skills have come so far and yet we still have a long way to go! He is now going out to the kitchen when he is hungry and will open the refrigerator and get what he wants out. This sometimes works to my advantage...and sometimes not! He is also climbing up on the cabinets to get things out of the cupboards. My biggest fear is him falling, of course, if I am not aware that he is up there.

In February, Carson will turn 3 and our services with First Steps will end. This will mark a milestone for us and we will look back at our experience as a time where he made many accomplishments. It will be hard to let the therapists go as we have grown to love them and their insight as to what might be going on with Carson but I trust that the next professionals we move on to will do the same for us. I am currently working with the schools to have him evaluated and see if he will qualify for speech services (which I am confident he will). If he does, he will get half hour per week of services which I do not feel is going to be enough for him, nor does his speech therapist so I am seeking out other arrangements in addition to what the school can offer. While his communication is improving, it would be nice if we could all fully understand what he is trying to tell us all the time!

He is an outgoing kid and happy as long as his schedule is not messed with too much. Christmas was somewhat of a challenge as he became overwhelmed in larger groups of people and wanted to retreat to rooms where he could be by himself. He was easily calmed though and was happy to remain in a room by himself if he could watch a movie and come out when he was comfortable. Let's just say we made it work for him and us!

Been Awhile

Wow! It's been awhile since I last blogged and I can see the old blog is experiencing some neglect with the fall background still in place. Thought it might be time for an update....

We had a wonderful Christmas. We still have one more (Lambright side) but for the most part, it's done and it all left us with many great memories. One of those memories being all the driving that our family did this year. Usually, Brad's side comes up to our house for Christmas but it just so worked out this year that we went to them which seemed like a fine idea until, Gabby was insistent on waking up at home on Christmas morning and then we had horrible driving weather on 2 out of 3 of our trips south. On Saturday, the 20th, we left for Muncie. It took us two hours to get there which isn't too much more than the normal time, due to a double police escort of a double wide. Coming back, it took us 4 hours because of weather and road conditions. We ended up being completely stopped on I-69 for over 30 minutes because a tanker T-Boned a camero. It made me grateful that we were safe but wondering how the driver of the camero was. We ended up getting off of 69 and bringing back roads most of the way home.
The following Thursday we left for Noblesville and we greeted again, on 69 to a glare of ice just south of here. Slowing down and taking our time, we got to Christmas but it took us 3 hours. I commend Brad for keeping his calm and using his wisdom and good driving skills to get us there safely. I could go on about more long trips but let me just say, we added up all the hours we spent together in the car just headed to family Christmas gatherings and it totaled over 21 hours! Our kids did great considering the circumstances and we found ourselves grateful for a dvd player.

Overall, we were just grateful to be safe and sound and with the ones we love! We are so blessed!

Season of Advent

Do you notice how it seems that every year the retailers start to prepare for the holidays earlier and earlier? It starts off slow, you may see something small that reminds you of Christmas but as we near the end of October, it's like you near the top of the roller coaster, in anticipation of the speed you are soon going to pick up. I was at Wal-Mart this year on HALLOWEEN and noticed there were lots of little kids walking through in their costumes trick-or-treating and several clerks that were busy trying to compact all the rejected costumes and candy on the shelves and the Christmas lights were coming out. I felt my mind starting to race as I thought about how fast the time was going to go from that point in time to December 25, the coaster was nearing the top!



We spend so much time preparing for the holidays but where are our thoughts while we're preparing? Most of the time we're thinking about who we still have to buy for, how much money is left in the budget, who we've forgotten to buy for and when we're ever going to have time to get to the store and buy all the food we need for all the get togethers that are going to take place. Add to that the stress of two children that are completely wired in anticipation of Christmas and you get one very frazzled mama! Do you ever feel this way?

Today at MOPS, we had two speakers; Scott Greene our new teaching pastor at church and Diane Samuels, our children's pastor. Both of their messages were different and yet carried the same point. They talked about the Advent Season which is what we are preparing to enter this Sunday. It's been a long time since I've been refreshed on Advent, what it stands for and really taken the time to think about it and reflect on it! So here is what I took from today's message and how it applies to me as a parent.

The first candle that is lit during the first week stands for Hope. There are times during child rearing that you find yourself questioning whether what you are doing is "right" and if you are raising your child to "go in the way of the Lord." God gives us Hope that even when it doesn't seem like things are going right, they will turn around and improve. Even in the midst of crying and screaming kids, he gives us Hope that tomorrow will be better, or 5 minutes from now will be better!


During the second week, we light the candle of Love. You know what that means, "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son. So that we may have everlasting life." This means that God loved YOU so much that he sent his own son to die on the cross for you. Can you imagine giving YOUR son up for something like that? Amazing grace and amazing love! We sometimes go through times in our lives where it may be hard for us to love someone but if you remember that God loves you unconditionally, don't we owe it to God to do the same?

The third candle symbolizes joy! "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!" Do you remember that song? I thought Scott and Diane worded it very well when they both explained that you can give happiness in a toy but you can give joy by teaching your kids what it's like to give to others! This reminded me of the Operation Christmas Child drive our church held a couple of weeks ago. Gabby had been given a box to decorate in her class at church and encouraged to fill it with things for a little boy or girl. If you know Gabby, she loves to do this kind of stuff so we headed out to the Dollar Store to find items to put in this box. As we packed the box on a Saturday night, her eyes twinkled and she demonstrated pure joy! I, on the other hand was at wits end as this box kept coming apart every time I would try to close it up, the sides would fall out and I'd have to tape it and start all over. I literally wanted to cuss at this box (and may have mumbled a few choice words) not good but hey, I'm human.

We finally got it closed and put in the car so it was ready to be delivered at church the next morning. During the service that next day, all of the kids, aged kindergarten and up were brought out of class to bring all the boxes from the lobby to the sanctuary. Seeing her and all the kids filled with so much joy in bringing the boxes up front brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't stop. She "got it." She knew why she was taking the boxes up and what they were going for and she was filled with joy!

The fourth week and candle brings peace. Think about it, when is the most peaceful time in your house? During MOPS today, one of the moms shouted out, "When my kids are in bed." She took the words right out of my mouth as I had been thinking the same thing. So many times, when kids are young and so needy and dependent of us, it's hard to find peace and then, just when you find it, it's gone again. Sometimes, you can create your own peace but if you want lifelong peace, you need to ask God for it. He is the Prince of Peace!

Lastly, the candle in the middle symbolizes Christ and his birth which we celebrate. Need I say more???

Here is a prayer that I found online which I found very appropriate:

We praise you, Lord God, because on this day, your Word became flesh in our Savior Jesus Christ, was born of a woman, and walked among us as a man. Help us to imitate your incarnation, by manifesting our faith in our conduct as well as in our speech. To you, O Lord, we give our honor, praise, worship, and love. In the most holy and precious name of the One who is born today; because He lives; and reigns with you in your glory, and in the unity of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

If you've made it to this point in my post, thank you so much for reading! This was near and dear to my heart today after I left MOPS! May you be blessed this Christmas and stay focused on the REAL reason for the season! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Making time for coffee

This past Monday, I text a friend to see if she was going to be home. I had some catalog's to return to her and thought I would just drop them by and get myself back home after I took Gabby to school. Let's just say I got up that morning and had slipped right out of my p.j.'s and right into my old red sweats and white t-shirt which, by this time had been splattered with something from lunch. I had been cleaning and trying to get caught up at home with no plans to go anywhere! So, when Kim text me back and asked if I wanted to come in for coffee, I hesitated. I had lots to get done at home and wanted to get Carson down for a nap and yet I am always telling Brad that I have a strong desire to nurture my relationships with friends but don't have either the time or the energy to do it.
So, I decided that a few minutes wouldn't hurt. I ended up spending an hour there, we had a great talk and Carson played hard and took a nice nap when we got home. I got my workout done which then in turn gave me more energy to get things done around the house. It was a win-win all the way around, all because I made time to have coffee with a great friend!

Colts Conversion

This month, marks eleven years that Brad and I have "been together." In April, we will celebrate eight years of marriage. When I first met Brad, I knew that he was a sports finatic and when I say that, I mean totally obsessed with it! He'll watch just about any sport but his biggest passion is football! Growing up, we didn't have a football team in school so I never knew much about the game, nor did I care to learn about it. So, you can imagine how UNimpressed I was to find out he loved it so much! I mean, come on, football games are not just played in a couple of hours and if it goes into overtime, forget it! I might as well leave the house without him if we are supposed to be somewhere, especially if it involves his Colts!

Brad loves the Indianapolis Colts! I joke with him that if he had to rate God, family and Colts, the Colts would actually come in just after God! No kidding! Well, over the years, I have slowly emerged into what I would call a mild football fan. I figure, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Especially when I know Brad's not planning to withdraw from the Colts fan club anytime soon, or ever! He even pulls his chair up 5 feet from our 46 inch screen t.v. So I'm just announcing that I think I'm officially a converted football fan of the Colts! I do love to wear my pink Manning jersey and I'm even starting to enjoy watching the games with him. Although, I don't know what's more fun, watching the Colts win or watching Brad pace the floors during the last 4 minutes, knowing the Colts are down 6 and have a chance to possibly score and win the game! Regardless, it's something we can do together and that makes it all worth it.........after the kids are in bed and I can just sit and watch!

Blankets

My mother-in-law has one of the neatest "hobbies." She LOVES to go to the fabric store, find the cutest fleece that's on sale there and make blankets, scarves, pillows..you name it! So our house is undoubtedly, one of the most well stocked houses when it comes to blankets.
She has made Brad a Cubs blanket, Gabby a fun little design blanket, along with a ballet blanket and a pillow, Carson has his own Colts baby blanket, a zoo animal blanket and now 2 cars blankets, I have a cute little blanket with bees on it and even our dog, Benny has his own little blanket made by grandma. I am pretty sure that I am missing some but those are the ones I remember right off the top of my head. In addition to this, my sister also made Brad a very large Colts blanket and a baby blanket made for Gabby when she was born.

I say all this to tell you that I love them! They are great to cuddle up with when I'm watching t.v. or throw on the bed when I need a little extra warmth and the best part of these blankets is that she has made them tailored to our interests at that time in our lives. So, when the kids get older, their blankets will kind of tell a story of their childhood. I always tell Terri that we have plenty of blankets but I secretly hope she will continue to make them for at least the kids as they grow and form different interests...maybe just one every few years or so! Thank you, Terri for these gifts of love and warmth! They are something we can keep and remember you by for a very long time!

Holidays '09

Well, I feel like the holiday season officially "kicked off" for me today. I had my first open house here in Ft. Wayne. I did a few of these when we lived in Noblesville and always loved doing it. I usually always had really good turnouts and everyone seemed to enjoy it so I thought "Why not?" Now that the kids are a little older, let's start the tradition here. I must say that I'm either getting older and "not on my game", or having 2 kids to take care of in addition to everything else, really sucks it out of me because I found myself forgetting some small details that I would have never forgotten before!

The open house ran from 10a.m. to 1p.m. today and I had vendors here from Homemade Gourmet, BeautiControl, Southern Living and Party Lite. The vendors all showed up and brought great stuff and everyone that came seemed to really enjoy themselves. I felt like there were a lot of little things that I either didn't get to in preparation for today (like sending out paper invites) or I just plain forgot but overall, it went great and I loved putting it on. I think with each year, it will become more of an event, not just for me but for my friends and family.
After the open house was over, Gabby and I left with my mom and sister to do some shopping at Kohl's and take advantage of all the great sales. Apparently, this was everyone else's idea too because it was crazy there but I did get some Christmas shopping done and was able to cross one person off my list which was a great feeling!
I love this time of the year, not just Christmas but Thanksgiving as well. I love gathering with family and friends and I love decorating our home for this time of year. While we don't have a tree up yet, we do have some other winter decor out and with the warm temps. it feels kind of weird but I'm still excited! So bring on the holidays and let's celebrate the birth of the Christ child, I'm ready!!!!

A love for Lenox

A few years ago, my mom started giving me a Lenox figurine at Christmas time. These figurines all consist of being snowmen but I just love them! I love pulling them out every year and putting them on my shelf. If you come to my house, you won't find them on a shelf that can be reached by kids. I keep them up high so they can't be touched, I don't want them broken! I love them for a couple of reasons, 1. Because they're cute and 2. Because they are from my mom and I will always have them to remember for years to come! It reminds me of my mom's love for snowmen and the many, many snowmen she's collected over the years! So mom, if you're reading this, thank you for my Lenox snowmen! I love them! I'd love to have another one this year, but if you think the trip to Florida is enough, well, I'd have to agree with ya! Love ya, Mom! :)

Week 3-Love Deeper

"Love Deeper." Hmmm, how can I do this when I feel like I pour out all the love I possibly can to my kids all day, every day? The Bible says that we should "love our neighbor as ourselves" and I gotta admit that if I did that EVERY day, they wouldn't be feeling much love from me because I don't feel much love for myself when I'm exhausted and feel like I've put in 46 hours in a 24 hour time span. So how do we love deeper? Well, that was our study last week. Here are some questions to think about...

1. What are some of the barriers you have to verbalizing your love? What can you do to overcome those barriers?

2. Think about how you can speak your love in more unexpected ways. How can you remind yourself to do this?

3. Is there a relationship where you need to apply this kind of love? Ask God to help you. He is the author of this love.

Proverbs 10:12 says, "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." This verse is so true! If you think about it, if we loved and treated everyone unconditionally, as we do our own children, this world would be a COMPLETELY different place. There are times we get angry and frustrated with our kids, spouse or family member and yet we forgive and move on because we love them so much.

So, my challenge to you is to love deeper. Love your family deeper, love your neighbor deeper and love your boss deeper! And yes, if you've had a friendship go sour, try loving them and see what happens. In closing....

Romans 12:9-10 "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."

Live Like You were Dying, Week 1

So we just finished week one of our "Live Like You Were Dying" study and I must say, it got me thinking on some things. The whole week focused on what you would do if you were given 30 days to live. When I first thought of that question, my first reaction was that I would travel to some place warm, with sand. I wanna be by the water!!! And without a doubt, I would take my family. I want to be with those that I love and that love me most. At our small group on Wednesday night, the majority of the group said they would travel to places they had never seen before, and then there were the "sports guru's" that had college and NFL games they'd like to squeeze into 30 days and attend.



Another thing that was discussed in the book was to do a "gut check" and find some things that bother you that you just need to let go. When I thought about this, I honestly don't have any grudges that I'm holding against anyone (right now) and I'm not upset with anyone, it was more about things that just plain annoy me and how I sometimes let it annoy me so much to the point that I get angry about it. I am still working on figuring out how to let that one go!



Lastly, I thought a lot this week about how I connect and listen to what God is saying. Sometimes, it is hard to do this in the midst of kids screaming or talking nonstop but I found myself crying out to him for strength at one point this week. On Thursday, i took the kids to wal mart for just a few staple items. One of those items was diapers, so as we were in the diaper aisle, Gabby found something that had "Lightening McQueen", from the movie, "Cars" on it. Well, I know she meant well as she wanted to show Carson so she put it in the cart with him. By the way, Carson LOVES "Cars," this was not an item that I had on my "to buy" list so I had to take it away and put it on the shelf. This caused a huge uproar! You know, the kind you hear across the aisle when you're at the store and you start staring because it's so distracting? Yep, I was that mom on Thursday. So, I had one or two more things to get and while I quickly pushed the cart through Wal-Mart, Carson screamed at the top of his lungs the WHOLE time. As we approached the check out, the man asked Carson if he could place his yogurt on the belt so he could scan it. This only caused more screaming and I had to wrestle it away from Carson. He was soon holding his yogurt again but still screaming.

I quickly whisked both kids to the cart and put Carson in his car seat, still screaming. I know I didn't ever scold Gabby for putting the item into the cart but I did tell her, very sternly that she cannot just put things in the cart because Carson doesn't understand he can't have everything he wants. We finally got home and he continued screaming the whole way home. Once we got into the house Gabby disappeared upstairs and I just sat down on the couch with Carson and cried with him. As I sat there, I cried out to God, just asking him to help me get through the day because we still had 2 hours before Brad was even close to getting home. When I finally realized Gabby wasn't coming back down, I called for her and she came down. I finally got out of her that she thought I was mad at her so I explained what was going on and we cried a little more and finally were all able to get on with our day. I felt like God had taken the burden and held it for me. The rest of the day went o.k. but it felt great to get Brad home that night. It's not only in those times that I find myself connecting with God, I praise him in the good too but I share this story because you can talk to him in all kinds of circumstances. Sometimes what you have to share with him is a praise or a thank you for a blessing and sometimes it's just plain raw.

So, I leave you with a few of the questions that had my wheels turning this week.....

1. If you found out today you only had a month to live, what immediate changes would you make? Which of these could you make right now?

2. Do a serious gut check about what has a hold of your heart. What is one thing you need to let go of today?

3. How and where do you best hear from God?

Have a great week!

Empty Tank

So I feel like I've been running on empty a lot lately and felt the urge to write. When I became a mom, my life INSTANTLY changed. My life was no longer about me, it was about the two, and now four eyes that look at me everyday for food, nurture, love and care. While I was prepared for this, I don't think I was prepared for how empty motherhood can make you feel at times. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is the absolute best job in the world but there are times when you realize that you are so busy putting your children and others first that you literally have forgotten to take care of yourself. Brad and I have a running joke that he doesn't have high expectations of how the house should look when he gets home from work, he just asks that I not be wearing the same outfit I had on the night before when I went to bed, my p.j.'s and with winter coming, there will be a great chance that those days will return! Right, Brad?

Someone once asked me if I thought it was harder to be a stay at home mom or be a working mom with your kids in daycare. I've been blessed since I had Gabby to stay at home and not work full time so this is is strictly my opinion but I do think being a stay at home mom is harder and this is why....if you are a working mom, you have your schedule. You wake up, get yourself and the kids ready and leave the house. You go to work, eat your lunch with adults, or alone and then at the end of the day, you pick up your kids, take them home, do dinner and hit the sheets for the night in preparation to get up and do it all over again. O.k. there are some other details that need to be inserted there but you get the point. If you are a stay at home mom, you wake up, make breakfast for your kids and feed them. Then, you sit down to eat breakfast, leave the table mid meal and go change a dirty diaper, split up a fight, select a new show for your child to watch on t.v., clean up dog puke, the list could go on and on and then you finally return to your cold breakfast in time to feed it to the dog and get ready for lunch. In between that, you are picking up toys, serving snack, taking phone calls while kids hang on your pants, yadda, yadda. And then, go ahead and add to the list, you are the first person people call when they need something because you're a stay at home mom and don't have anything else going on! Aaahhh!

Well, a few years ago, I, along with a friend, decided we needed a MOPS group at our church. At the time, it was a great fit for me. I needed something else to identify myself as, other than "a mom." I have loved MOPS and I have found a great gift in it but, with all things, this chapter is about to end as it's time to hand over the torch. I will take many great memories with me and hope MOPS stays at Sonrise for a long time to come.

Now where was I?? I guess what I'm trying to say is that after examining all that I do (and I'm no saint) I am starting to see that my "serving tank" is running on fumes. Ever since Carson's diagnosis, it has taken a lot out of me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Brad asked me today as I was crying to him over the phone why I never said anything and the truth is, it's been a long time coming. I have slowly been taking things off my plate because I knew it could get to this point but now it's coming to a head.

A mentor of mine was over today and while I never expected the conversation to be going there, I sat at the table and sobbed as I told her about exhausted and burnt out I am. At the end of the day or week, I feel like I have nothing to give my husband or kids. By the time I get up and get the day started, deal with Carson's issues as they arise, services in the house twice a week, cleaning two days a week, Gabby and her neediness, along with getting her to school and homework handed in on time, MOPS and all of the "normal" day to day activities that have to be done around the house, I'm done! While I know this is just a season of my life, this is just how I feel! I'll get through it, just venting!

So I'm looking for ways to refill my tank! I think it's going to take awhile, it won't be done overnight but if I can juggle all those balls, then I surely can figure out how to take a couple out of the mix! Thanks for reading!

Live Like You were Dying

It's very possible that you have heard the words to the song you hear playing right now. But, have you ever really THOUGHT about the words and what they mean? We're getting ready to dig into this phrase a little more at church over the next four weeks. Brad and I have also joined a small group that will meet once per week to explore this with other couples.
Our sermon today started this series and it was about LIVING like you were dying. One of the verses today was "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12. I thought about this verse and wondered if I do this on a day to day basis. Sometimes I think I rush through each day as if I'm in a hurry to get to the next and yet, I'm never guaranteed tomorrow.
The first point Pastor Stan made was this:
1. Live with a sense of urgency. Live with no regrets! NO REGRETS! This means in what I say to others, how I act not only in public but also at home with those that love me most.

2. Live with a sense of eternity. Sometimes, instead of focusing on what we can have or want here on earth, we need to focus on what we're going to have when we leave this earth. All of our possessions here are temporary. When we get to Heaven, it's FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER and nothing that we had here will even matter.

3. Live with a sense of priority. What do I need to put aside? Is it jealousy? Is it hatred toward someone or something? What am I carrying around with me that may not be glorifying God?? I need to drop it now!

Hebrews 9:27-28...."Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgement, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people, and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him."

So join me in this journey and take time to sit down and think about...What would you do if you found out today that you had 28 days to live????
I hope to blog each day about the daily devotion that I am doing and the questions at the end so you too can "live like you were dying!"

Mental Overload

I think when you first have children, you lower your standards for yourself. You first "think" you'll still be able to get it all done like, cooking, cleaning, and care of pets but it's not long and you find that the dishes are piled up, mildew is growing in the shower and the dog is sending stares your way while pawing at his dish to ask for some food and water because let's face it, his feeding time was at 8:00a.m. and it's now 8:00 P.M.!

This past week was no different. I really have felt since Carson came along that I had a strong hold on things. I mean, no, I never did find the "clean freak" I used to be but lately I at least feel like I'm keeping the dust and mildew to a minimum but lately, with all that I have taken on, my mind has been on mental overload! I can't keep days straight and I feel like I'm running in circles. Last week I found a homework assignment of Gabby's that was sent home at the beginning of September and due by the end of September. I had totally forgotten about it and ended up sending it in a day late. I thought to myself, "Here we are, kindergarten and I can't even keep due dates straight and send it back on time." I can't even be mad at Gabby because while we do teach responsibility at our house, she is only 5 and almost all of her homework requires some assistance so it has to be done when I have a chance to sit down and do it with her.

In addition to all that goes on here with school, services for Carson and normal household duties, I am currently cleaning 5 houses and an office so on Tuesday afternoon and all day Wednesday, I'm working and then add to that every first and third Thursday of the month I'm leading a MOPS group and some days it feels like I just can't hold it all together and yet I can't drop any of it. I am currently in my last year with MOPS and it is one of my passions to keep going but I finally came to the realization that I can't keep it going alone. I recently had a chat with one of our group's mentor moms and she talked about the importance of raising up leaders within the group in order to pass this down to them. I know she is totally right, but sometimes giving up the power to something you created (with the help of a friend) is hard. I'm slowly working on it though because if I don't my head might possibly spin right off my neck!

Good bye 30, Hello 31!

A year ago at this time, I was an emotional mess. I did NOT want to turn 30. I hated to see the 20's go and even think about the 30's. I think it was a fear of "being older" than anything else. At the time, I felt like once I turned 30, I was immediately going to be 40. I remember looking back and thinking how fast the 20's went and how happy they had been. How could it get any better?
So here I am a year later to say it really wasn't bad. In fact, it was pretty great! I feel like I am a more confident person than I used to be and honestly, I've learned that people really look at your opinion and respect it much more (in most instances).
So here's what I've learned over the course of the last year....

1. It doesn't matter how much or how little money you have in your bank account, if you have a strong marriage and you love and respect each other, the way God intended, you can survive and get through anything.

2. If you are an animal lover, you can become attached to other people's pets and your heart can break and you can mourn with others when they lose a beloved pet, almost as if it was your own. This summer, I had a family I clean for whose dog passed away. Max was the highlight of my cleaning days there. A beautiful Golden Retriever, he followed me all over the house and we had conversation all the time. He was the kind of friend I could trust to NEVER tell anyone anything. :) I not only mourned his passing but my heart broke for that family as I knew the loss they had suffered after only being with that dog twice a month for the last year. If you don't have pets, you can't understand this but it is just like you've lost a family member.

3. My days don't always have to go the way I planned them and I will survive. Since we started noticing changes in Carson, there have been many days that I have called Brad ranting or sometimes even crying and he always had a way to talk me through it and calm me down to put things in perspective.

4. I've known this one for a long time but it's worth repeating...even though God knows the desires of your heart and he knows what you need, he still wants to hear from you and if you talk to him, he will listen and he will bless you. It might not be on your time but it will be on His time! The Prayer of Jabez is one of my favorites!

Tomorrow is my birthday. I plan to spend the day with mom, Gabby and Jen shopping at the outlet malls in Fremont. I looked at Brad tonight and said, "Well, tomorrow's my birthday and I'm not crying about it this year." He agreed and let me know how that got to be a little depressing for everyone last year (joking) but it's true. I look forward to this weekend and this new year! I know there are great things in store!

Sight Words and Environmental Reading

O.k. so I don't know about you but it's been awhile since I've been to kindergarten, or even known a kid that's going well enough to know exactly what they are doing now. Let me just tell you, it's not cutting, coloring and gluing anymore! We're talking about reading and we're only into the 4th or 5th week of school. It never occured to me that kids can actually learn to read without having to sound words out. It's called "Environmental Reading" and this is what it is.....think about what you see when you're driving through the city. You see all kinds of signs and emblems and you automatically know the place you're driving by. For instance, you don't need to see the words "McDonald's or Taco Bell" to know it's a restaurant. If you see the sign, you know where you are. Well, I'm learning that Gabby has already learned to read without me even really teaching her. Now, 70% of this is her knowing the symbols but there are some things that have no symbols and she knows it just by the writing.

So in her class, her teacher has this thing called the "I can read" bag. Each night, a different student is to bring it home and cut and paste words out of a magazine, off cereal boxes, you get the point...onto a piece of paper and then stick it in a plastic sleeve in a binder and take it back to school. So today was our day. She was so excited to get this bag and we had to run some errands after school so she was reading to me what some of the other kids had put in the binder so far. As she rattled off word, after word, I knew she recognized them but mostly because of the symbol. Suddenly, I heard her say (as she was running down the list) "Mary Kay." Now, I know that Mary Kay doesn't have a particular symbol in it's ads. It may have a compact but it wouldn't have been big enough to fit on this sheet of paper so it was just the words. I couldn't believe she knew it. When we got home, we sat down immediately to get this assignment completed so it was off the "to do" list for the night. Here is a list of things that she knew....

Pepsi
Wii
Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft, what kid doesn't know this one!)
Zyrtec
Wal-Mart (just words)
Capri Sun
Mary Kay
Verizon (What!? You know Verizon?)
iCarly (Fav. t.v. show)
Burger King
Hannah Montana
Wendy's
The word "go."

She also knows McDonald's and Sonic but we didn't find those words in a magazine today. And I'm sure there are words that we are missing but WOW I was pretty impressed with my little 5 year old. In the classroom, they are also working on sight words like, "I", "the", "and", you get the point so every two weeks, she brings home a literacy folder with books they have made and a list of their sight words for us to continue reviewing as they add more and more new words to their list.

So in case you were wondering what goes on in kindergarten....there's a whole lotta reading going on!

9/11/01

September 11, 2001. It was a beautiful, crisp morning. The sky was a hue of blue that was so bright, it was almost blinding. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I remember it feeling kind of cool outside but you just knew by the afternoon commute home, you'd be blasting the a/c. I hopped into my tan cutlass to make my way to work. I had finshed college that previous summer and had taken a job as a preschool teacher at a brand new KinderCare daycare. I had 12 students, 8 boys and 4 girls and if I didn't show up with my "game face" on, those boys would over take me, without a doubt, any day. As I was driving to work that morning, I heard the d.j. come over the radio and announce that one of the towers had been hit. At that time, they were speculating that it was an accident. When you hear this kind of news happening at such a distance away, you think to yourself how awful it is but you just go about your duties.

I arrived at work, entered the building and started my day with our usual circle time and morning activities. About 15 minutes after I got there, our cook came in and informed us (adults) of the latter devastation that had taken place. We had t.v.'s in our rooms but, for obvious reasons, were not allowed to turn them on. I remember talking on my cell phone to Brad and my mom, all while keeping an eye on my students while they were working in their centers. There was a feeling of panic in me and if I could just talk to the two people I was closest to, maybe they would tell me I was dreaming. By 10 or 10:30 that morning, America was gaining a better understanding of what was going on and pure panic hit the adults that were in the building that day. Our manager demanded that we proceed as "normal" but when you learn of that kind of news, it's kind of hard to "act normal." It wasn't long and we had parent's starting to return to pick their children up early in hopes of regaining a sense of safety again. I clearly remember sheer pandemonium as parent's were coming in, describing to us what it was like out on the roads and particularly at gas stations. Gas prices had skyrocketed to over $4.00/gallon and people were lined up clear out to the street to get gas. Looking back, I realize how dumb that is, it was almost as if they all thought New York was our main supplier of gas or something but devastation will make us do crazy things. The entire day at KinderCare was a blur but I do remember by mid-afternoon, we had finally convinced our boss to let us put a video in for the kids. Our numbers were down and our ability to focus had gone down with the twin towers at 8:30 that morning.

On my commute home, there was no music to be played on the radio. Instead, it was announcements about where you could go to donate blood and anything else that fit into the horrifying topic of that day. I remember feeling as if it was all so surreal as I still had not seen a t.v. screen to confirm everything that I had heard. I would even go so far as to say that for just a short time, I wondered if this wasn't the "end times." I do know one thing for sure, Satan was working overtime that day and I'm sure he was pleased with his work!

When I arrived back at my apartment, Brad was there waiting for me, along with my roommate and her boyfriend and a girlfriend of ours that lived alone and was just simply scared to go home. She didn't have any family near so she hung out with us that night.

When I think about that day, I realize that at some point previous to that, I became an adult as I don't remember ever being so scared that I wanted to go home and be with my parent's and siblings. It's not that I don't love them, I just knew I had met my lifelong soul mate and that's who I wanted to go home to. He gave me such a sense of protection and security when I was with him and that's what I needed after that day, to feel protected and safe.

Once I got home, I was glued to the t.v. for a strong 3-4 hours. I remember going through the disbelief, then the feeling of wondering when/if it was going to happen again and then just being pissed off that someone would be so evil to have plotted and planned something so herendous. I was amazed at how our country came together and gave blood or went to ground zero to help with clean up and so many other heroic efforts that were put forth that day and for years after. It made me proud to be a citizen here.

When I was growing up, I remember hearing stories of people that knew and remembered exactly where they were the day Kennedy was shot. I never truly understood the significance of that until 9/11/01 and now I know exactly what they mean.

If you know how to leave a comment here, I'd love to know your "9/11" story!

Bedtime Giggles

Some of you may not know this but, we have got the World's Cutest Boy living right here, under our roof! Now, some days, his cuteness is all he's got going for himself because he's having a rough day but no matter what, he's adorable. I can hardly stand it when those big brown eyes look at me with frustration or sadness in them but my favorite is when he smiles, not only with his mouth but with his whole face.

Bedtime is a great time to see this. He loves to have me lay down with him in his new bed so we lay down together and I rub his back for a few minutes. I always ask him if he'd like me to sing but the answer is always, "NO!" So we just lay there in silence. He knows he's supposed to be trying to sleep so sometimes, if he isn't wanting to be held, I just turn my back to him so he'll settle down. The best part is when I roll over and open my eyes and his meet mine. As soon as he sees me looking at him, he squints his eyes shut as hard as he can and crinkles up his nose and then just smiles from ear to ear. It never fails, I can't help but giggle out loud and then he opens his eyes and giggles too!

As much as I dread fighting the bedtime battle with the kids at night, this is one of my favorites! It will make a great story for me to tell him someday.

Hanging on to summer...

Usually, on September 1, I get up into my attic closet and pull out all of my fall decorations. As I get older, I notice by this time of year, I usually have had enough summer heat that I'm looking forward to sweatshirts and jeans and having a change of scenery. However, that's not the case this year. September 1 came and went last week and I didn't even think about pulling out my pumpkins. Maybe it was the fact that I knew we had a busy weekend and I had my in-laws coming into town and staying with us. I knew I had a house to clean, speech therapy on Friday and then the Tin Caps game on Friday night. Carson has been very "off' lately and required quite a bit of my time and attention so it's been hard to get anything done in short time. In addition, I knew I had to be at church on Sunday to work Children's Ministry. But, I don't think it was the business of my life at all. Let's face it, we've had a very cool summer, not many days that even hit the 90 degree mark and although we had a wonderful summer, I don't think I'm quite ready for the shorter, colder days. Farmer's Almanac is calling for a bitterly cold winter. Whether the almanac is valid or not, the fact of the matter is, we live in Indiana, it IS going to get cold and it IS going to snow here.
As I sat in the chair, rocking Carson tonight and reading books to him, I realized it wasn't even 9:00 yet and it was pitch black outside. While I'm doing a lot better at looking forward to the changing of the seasons now, compared to when I was a kid, I find myself trying to hang on to summer as long as I can. Now where are those pumpkins???

Carson Update

I thought it would be good to put out and update on my boy! Therapy is going well. Both ladies seem to love him (how could they not) and he is very receptive to having them here. I can tell he's getting more comfortable with his OT as this morning, she was trying to get him to do something and he refused once and then followed through. He is doing much better with transitioning in the morning when he first wakes up and also when he wakes from his naps. Going from the house to the car is going better, as long as I give him prompts for the last 15-20 minutes before leaving. If we spring it on him, it doesn't go very well. Bath time is still a struggle. I got home tonight after cleaning and Brad had an exhausted look on his face. He asked me to never ask him to give Carson a bath again because it was miserable. I laughed out loud and asked him if he thought it was a walk in the park when I had to bathe him!

Eating is still an issue as there are few foods he will eat. I have a hard time understanding how someone can eat the same thing, day in, day out and never mix it up but it seems to work for him. I guess I won't fix it then! Speech is going o.k. We've only had 2 sessions but we're now on a regular rotation so we will get services at least once a week. Occasionally, I can get him to work on his speech activities with me but it's a rarity. The OT activities seem to go much better.

Last week, I tried to put socks on him for the first time since spring and he didn't like it at all! I didn't put up a fight the first day as I knew it may take some adjustment so then the second day we tried it again. He ripped them right off so I tried again later. He cried but he kept them on and then didn't want to take them off so he wore them for over 24 hours until I told him they had to come off for his bath. It didn't go great by any means but we got them off.

Overall, I would say that life is starting to get a little easier. I think it's a combination of him making baby steps toward improvement and Brad and I understanding the world he lives in a little better. We're gonna be working at this for awhile but we'll get it figured out!

Back in the swing.....

of things, that is. It has been one week since Gabby trotted off to school and I must say, it feels good! It is nice to get back into somewhat of a "routine" and be home more. I feel like I've gotten a lot of little things done around the house that I've been needing to do and we've also started our school year off right with a case of colds! Gabby had to stay home from school on Monday as she was running a low grade fever and complaining of headache and congestion. As kids do, she is pretty much fully recovered by today and is running around the house, lively as ever. But, as with 99% of the illness that comes into this house, it doesn't just stop with the first victim. I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I thought it was my allergies but it's only gotten worse and tonight Carson was starting to sound congested so I think it's just the beginning of a long cold/flu season! Brad asked if he was next and I told him just to give it a couple of days and it would be his turn.

On a high note, Gabby is LOVING school! It's apparent that she still gets a little nervous before she gets out of the car but she soon forgets and is running toward the school door. She is having fun experiencing the fun special classes as well. So far, I think computer might be her favorite. Having a choice of milk is also exciting. Here is a piece of conversation that we had last week after her first full day...

Me: Hey Gabby! How was school today?

Gabby: Mom, it was great, and you'll never believe this....we got to choose what kind of milk we wanted and we could choose between regular, skim, chocolate or strawberry. It was so cool!

Brad and I had to laugh later that night when I was telling him about it. He said, if you went anywhere else and that's all they offered, we'd be so mad but a kindergartener thinks it's the greatest thing in the world! I think Brad would agree with me when I say that we really do try to point out the little things in life as keys to happiness in our kids. So, we're happy that she is happy!
I have found that the time that Gabby has been in school has allowed me to spend extra time with Carson, clean or even just lay down and take a nap. No matter what I've done, I've felt it was well spent after the busy summer we had. The first week has gone fast, but it's been great!

First Day

Well, it's 2:20 and I survived. WAIT...I think this is supposed to be more about her than me but it really doesn't feel that way. What a wonderfully sad day this has been. I must say it felt good to be in a room full of 24 other parent's that probably felt the same way. I talked to at least 3 other moms who were going through this for the first time too with their little girls. "Mixed emotions" seemed to be the overwhelming feeling among us all. When we arrived in her classroom, it was a buzz with kids and parents travelling around to various centers in the room to work and play with different things. The teacher then provided a snack for the kids while she talked to the parents and then the kids were left with her while we went and heard from the Literacy Leader of the school. Gabby was hesitant to see me leave the room but by the time I got back, she had a smile on her face and told me how much fun she had! There is a another little girl from our church in her classroom as well as two girls from our addition so I think she will make many great friends this year! I left excited too as I got to meet the moms of these girls and it looks like even I might make some new friends. Maybe this kindergarten thing will turn out o.k. afterall!

Sidenote: I found out our school provides preschool classes for ages 3-5. Carson, how can we get you signed up?! The room is right across from your sisters so she can report back to mom on how you are behaving!

1st day of school

Well, our day together has begun! It started off washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast. Sweet little Gabby insisted on helping wipe down the counters since this was "our day together." She did a really good job and then we went and played hide-and-seek! After our game, we read a book and now we're in the process of getting ready to leave the house. She has chosen Olive Garden as her restaurant of choice today! One of her mom's favorites! That's MY girl! So far, I am feeling good about the day. It's beautiful outside, the sun is shining and we're having a great time together!

Bring on the services..

So yesterday I got two phone calls about 2 hours apart. They were from Carson's speech therapist and occupational therapist and they both wanted time slots for TODAY! Coinsidentally, I had already scheduled a meeting here at the house with Dustin, our service coordinator so I knew I would be home. So at 10a.m. I met with Dustin, at 12:45 Debbie was here for speech and at 6, Michelle was here for OT. Whew....by the time the kids were in bed, I was exhausted mentally. Here is how it went...
Dustin just came to check in.
Debbie feels that Carson is going to be fine with some speech assistance. She is going to be coming 1-2 times per week from now until February. She said that he has a lot going for himself and is way further ahead than some kids she sees who just sit and look at her, not uttering a single sound. So, I was encouraged by what she had to say. She also left me some great tools to use with him to encourage more speech.
Michelle was great as well. She did some play therapy on the floor with him and explained that she will be working with him on a lot of fine motor skills as she really feels he has a weakness in that area. She is also going to be doing a lot of sensory stuff with him to see how he handles it. She made us feel good as she said she works to rule things out rather than hurry and give a child a "diagnosis" which can sometimes turn into a "label" early in life and then it's hard to get rid of.
Michelle will be coming 1 time per week for now and may pick up services if need be and will also give me things that I can do to work with Carson at home. As it is right now, I strive to take an hour a day with him, usually in the evening, after Gabby goes to bed to work on things and it's going very well. We've seen some improvements in him in just the past 3 weeks so we're encouraged.

I'll keep you posted as things progress! Thanks for reading!

On the other side of Things

We have had a busy, action packed day with home services. Our day started out at 10 a.m. with our service coordinator stopping by to introduce himself and have me sign another paper. As he was here, it was so strange to me. When I graduated college, I spent a few months teaching preschool before I moved on to case management services with The Center For Mental Health in Anderson. I worked with kids who had anything from Autism to Behavioral Problems, in the school but primarily in the home. I was young and many times felt as if the parent's that I was trying to help saw me as young and with little experience but since I was there and they could count on me to show up and work with their kids, they listened.
When Dustin got here today, I took one look at him and guessed him to be around 22...almost 10 years younger than me. I knew he was new with First Steps and hadn't been in the profession long but I have to give him credit, he knew what he was talking about. You could tell he had spent a lot of time studying up and he wasn't arrogant. He admitted up front that he may not always have the answer to my questions but he would work hard to find them. He reminded me a lot of myself when I was working in that profession...young, but willing to work. I was impressed and think he's on the road to many great things.

Are we really doing this???

Last night, Gabby and I packed her backpack up with all the supplies she needed to have a successful year of kindergarten. As I sat there with her, I watched as she carefully put each item into her bag and placed it just perfectly so as not to lose or break anything. I thought to myself, "Are we really doing this? Is this really happening?" I can't believe I'm sending my oldest baby to kindergarten. I had flashbacks of sitting in the hospital with her the day she was born, in awe of how amazing she was. She is even more amazing now than the day she was born. My heart broke and rejoiced as she is getting ready to start a new chapter in life. I wonder how it will go for her. How many heartbreaks will we have to endure in just kindergarten alone? Will she achieve every goal she wants to? How do we as parent's, instill in her that it's not the "winning" that matters. It's the "winning attitude" no matter what the outcome, that really counts? I don't care if she doesn't come out on top, as long as she is proud of the job she did and she puts her all into it, I'm happy!

This evening, the school held open house for students, families and the community to come and see the new school. As we approached the entrance, after a long, hot walk from the parking lot, I felt my throat get tight and my eyes get misty. I said to Brad, "Are we really doing this?" He gave a little chuckle at me so as not to get too emotional himself and we entered. Thankfully, it was chaotic inside and so I was distracted from my thoughts, which was a good thing. We found Gabby's room and her face lit up like a light! She loved it! Her teacher seems very nice and Gabby is anxiously looking forward to Thursday. We also found out, while we were there, that there is another girl from church who is in her classroom so I think that will be good for Gabby, and Katrina to each have a familiar face when they enter the room on Thursday.

As we left tonight, I was feeling a little better about things. So, I guess the answer to my question, "Are we really doing this?" is, "Yes, we are!" and it's coming quicker than I'd ever imagined! Stay tuned for more postings on my emotional roller coaster this week! I'm sure I'll feel led to post!

Traffic Light Nap

Today we traveled down to Anderson to Mounds State Park for a family get together with Brad's side. As we were on the way back and getting ready to enter I-69, this is the conversation that took place.....

Gabby: "Mom, can I take a nap?"

Me: "Well, why don't you wait until you we stop and get you something to eat?"

Gabby: "O.k."

So we go through a drive through and she eats. She finishes and as we are driving down 69 asks again about taking a nap. Here's how it went.....

Gabby: "O.k. mommy, can I take a nap now?"

Me: "Well, can you wait for a little while? I really don't want you napping at this time of day?"

Gabby: "O.k. but as soon as we get to the next stop light, I'm taking a nap!"

Me: (Laughing) "O.k. that's just fine! If you can wait until we get to the next traffic light, you can take a nap."

End of conversation. Needless to say, she didn't make it to the next traffic light!

Peaks and Valleys

As with all things in life, everyone goes through peaks and valleys at different times. Right now, the Beeman's are going through a shallow valley. As Carson has grown and developed, I've always felt that he was behind where Gabby was at each milestone. Crawling, pulling up on things, walking and even talking. I always tried not to think about it too much as I knew boys were most always behind girls in development and I didn't think I should be comparing the two.
Carson really didn't start saying much of anything and I just thought it was no big deal. When he turned two, he had a handful of words he could say pretty clearly and so I thought things would improve from there. As time went on and we entered summer, I noticed he was not progressing at all. In fact, he was regressing. the few words he was saying on his birthday, he was now not pronouncing as clearly and we noticed other behaviors that didn't seem quite right to us. The behavior I was willing to pass off as a "boy thing" but the speech was really starting to worry me.

After working with kids right out of college and having some experience with autism and asperger's syndrome, I knew there were some things that were just "off" in Carson. I finally got concerned enough and noticed his temper becoming more and more unmanageable that I called an agency called First Steps here in Indiana. They only work with kids up to age 3 so I knew if I had any chance of getting in, I had to act now. They got us right in and came to our home to do an evaluation on Carson. What we found out was somewhat of a surprise but not really....

....obviously we knew he was delayed in his speech and qualified for speech services but he was also diagnosed with Sensory Perception Disorder. For those of you that have never heard of SPD, here is a somewhat "paraphrased" definition off the SPD website.

Our brain communicates with our five senses to tell us what is going on around us. It is the way the nervous system gets messages from the senses and turns them into the right motor and behavioral responses.
When you have SPD, the sensory signals do not get organized in the brain.

SPD comes in many different forms. Carson is a mild form and yet the symptoms are there. Here are just a few things that we have noticed with him....
1. He overreacts to minor scrapes (they are more painful to him)
2. He avoids messy play
3. He hates dirty hands, hair cuts or to have his hair washed or combed.
4. Putting lotion on him causes a melt down of more than 15 minutes
5. He walks on his toes ALOT
6. He only eats a few select foods because he doesn't like the texture of so many others.
7. It's very difficult to achieve eye contact with him.

The list goes on and on. You may be sitting there thinking to yourself, "that sounds like a lot of kids" and you're right but not all kids carry a large amount of symptoms. they may posess just a few. We all have SPD to a certain extent, some of us don't like the sound of a fingernail on a chalkboard, others don't like certain textures of clothing but it doesn't affect all of our senses.

Because of the way these things affect him and due to the fact he isn't talking, it's hard for him to communicate what is wrong and therefore, we get a lot of screaming. With this, also comes the inability to transition from one thing to another without difficulty. It is hard with Carson because he is a strong willed child so Brad and I have had to work really hard at deciphering whether he is frustrated or if he needs disciplined.

His hearing is another concern for us so we are working on getting him a hearing evaluation as soon as possible to see if there are hearing problems. We will soon be starting Speech and Occupational Therapy 2-4 times per week in our home so things are going to be even more busy than normal for us but we're thankful at this point that we can get services for him. Since we caught it at such a young age, there is a very good chance that he will be coping with his SPD very well by the time he goes to school and will have no problems in class. He will function as a normal child as he is considered high functioning.

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin a new journey. Not only for Carson but also for Gabby as she is trying to understand it all and I don't even know if we as parent's can always totally understand. I am so glad I majored in this type of thing in college as I feel like i have a pretty good grasp of what's going on but at times it's so hard to explain it to others and I also feel as if I need a break from it all.

I will keep you posted on how therapies are going but I thought it was time to update on what we've been going through here. All of this has caused me to step back and figure out what I need to take off my plate of responsibilites so that I can put more on. I've evaluated and had to decide what's really important and what can be let go for someone else to pick up. It's not been easy but we are never promised that parenting will be easy! I truly believe we will be rewarded one day when we see all of our hard work pay off in Carson. If you'd like to learn more about SPD, you can go to their website at: www.spdfoundation.net

Thanks for reading!

Things a 5 year old wants to know about college

Today, while we were eating lunch, Gabby, out of the blue, brought up college. Well, let me first say that she wanted to know how much it would cost her to go to high school. I did not want to get into logistics of textbook fees so I told her it was free. She then of course, wanted to know about college. Here are some of the things that she asked.....

How much does college cost?

Will there be a zoo there?

Will they have a birthday party for me?

Do they have toothbrushes or do I take my own? How about toothpaste??

Will they cook breakfast for me everymorning?

Will I get to take a backpack?

Are you coming with me?

Do I get to pick when I go to class?

I just thought you'd like to know Gabby is really planning out her future! Pretty cute!

One analogy to parenting

Sometimes I think to myself, "How would I describe parenting to someone who did not have kids?" I don't believe there is a single analogy to parenting but here is one of many...

This evening, Brad, the kids and myself, loaded up in the car and went to JP to walk around. I am in need of a new pair of jean shorts as mine are getting too big (a problem I actually love having). We had been into several stores and either could not find a size that fit me or a style that I cared for so we decided to go into Von Maur and then call it a night and go get the some ice cream. When we entered the store, we decided to split up, Brad with Carson and I with Gabby however, Gabby decided to go with the boys. As I browsed the shorts that were left, I needed to ask the store clerk a question so as I was waiting at the counter, I looked over toward the escalator and saw Brad with Carson in his arms and Gabby getting ready to head up the escalator. As I watched, I noticed Brad going up with Carson but Gabby must have gotten nervous and froze up, so instead of getting on, stayed behind.

Next thing I see is Brad turning around and trying, with Carson in his arms to go down the "up" on the escalator. If you've ever tried to do this, you know it's very difficult. Now picture yourself holding a two year old and trying to get back down to your five year old. I found myself laughing to myself until I shook on the outside and then thought, "That is the epitomy of parenting on a bad day." Constantly running, usually with a child on your hip, trying to get to another one and not feeling like you're making any progress! Not all days are like that but yes, many are!

Brad was finally able to get back to the bottom of the escalator and get Gabby and I was enlightened......at his expense! I guess it just goes to show that even the best daddy in the world gets caught running in place sometimes!

Wedding Bliss

The past couple of weeks have been filled with wedding events. Last weekend, my own sister married the love of her life, Josh. They got engaged back in October and while I knew the time would fly between October and June, I didn't realize how fast. I was the matron of honor in the wedding and it was a true honor to be in that position although, I found it hard to tend to Jen while also having children to dress and prepare for pictures. Not to mention, I decided the night before that the speech I had planned to give just wasn't good enough and so I sat down at 3:30 that afternoon (wedding started at 4:30) to rewrite the entire speech. The day went very well overall and Jen looked beautiful. As she walked down the isle and for the remainder of the day, it hit me that our relationship was going to a completely new level after that day. She would always be my sister but now she also had given me a brother in law and our conversations would not just only be about my kids and how work was going for her, it would be about what her and Josh were doing and how things were going being a newlywed.
I can't imagine that it will be too long before they begin the journey of starting a family and then it will change again. My whole point to this is that it just seems crazy to me how not only do friends and friendships change throughout your life, so do your relationships with your own siblings and while I'm at it, I'll throw parents in there too!

It literally seems like just yesterday that we were rollerskating in the basement or playing church on the steps. Yearly vacations to Florida flooded to my mind that day too. Where has the time gone??? Is this really how life is? How can I slow it down???? It's out of my control!

Today, I got to be the guest at another wedding. While it was nice to be the guest, the bride that I was there to celebrate with, is a young woman that I used to babysit for. I remember things about her from when she was little and now I look at her and can't believe she's actually old enough to be married. I told my mom the other day that it's kind of hard for me to go back home to events like that because I have seen how parent's of friends whom I grew up with have aged so much. Have I aged too???? NEVER! Turning 30 has been good for me. It's not only made me realize the value of a minute spent nurturing a "boo boo" on one of my kids, or an hour playing outside, it's also taught me to enjoy the people that are in my life right now because the only thing that's constant is change and I could wake up tomorrow and my life could be totally different.

Out of the crib and into the big boy bed.

This week, we passed another milestone. We got a call on Saturday from my dad because he had gone to an Amish furniture liquidation sale and he was wondering if there was anything we needed. Brad shared with him that it may be a little early but in the near future we would be needing a bed for Carson. It wasn't much longer and we had a call that the bed had been found. A nice twin size bed...perfect! So, while I wasn't sure if I was ready to do the transition, dad had plans to deliver this bed the very next day. By Sunday afternoon, they were here with the bed. It didn't take long for Brad to take the crib apart right after Carson's last nap in it and they got the new bed upstairs and put together before they left to go to Sam's Club for a new matress.

It was quite obvious that Carson was not excited about this new change as he would not even walk into his room by himself.

Sunday night was a nightmare! We started Carson's bedtime routine at 9:00 just like we always do but to no avail. As soon as his teeth were brushed, he started throwing one of the biggest tantrums I've ever seen him throw. We attempted to get him into his bed more than 3 times and were back downstairs with him several times before he finally fell asleep on the floor at 10:30.

This routine pretty much continued all week and he didn't take a nap for me until today (Friday) and tonight is finally going better, with much less crying and screaming.

As Brad and I were putting bedding on his bed Sunday night, we sat down on it to look at the transformation his room taken on and talked about how it was no longer a nursery but a little boy's room. The crib and changing table were gone and what was left was a bed! As I mentally went to a deeper level with it, tears began to roll down my face. The baby days were over. I thought back to the day we switched Gabby over. At that time, it was exciting because we knew we had another baby on the way but this time it was so different. This was it! THE last baby! Most likely, these days would never be revisited again....and while I am happy that Carson is healthy and growing, it made me sad. It was such a bittersweet moment for me. I often find myself not wanting to get rid of the "baby" things we have left. It's more an emotional attachment than anything else. So, the crib is going to be kept at mom and dad's for future grandchildren and that makes me happy because I will be able to revisit the baby days when we go to visit.

Look out kindergarten, here comes Gabby!

Yes, that's right! Gabby is going to kindergarten this fall. Her first day is August 13th and I'd be lying if I said I felt like it was quite a while away. I cannot believe my little girl is old enough to go to school. While I am excited for her, there is also a little piece of my heart that is dreading that day. I know she will go and be successful in every aspect of school but I feel as if this is a whole new chapter in life. Gone are the days we could take off and do anything at any time, we will soon be on school schedule. We got confirmation this week that she got into afternoon kindergarten which is what we wanted as she is not much of a morning person and I wanted to keep it as close to Carson's nap schedule as possible so not only I could have a little time to myself each day but also so Brad could have that time to work.
So I'm grasping on to each day and enjoying it. Gabby has grown into a very well behaved little girl and she is a joy to take out and about. I love spending time with her and hearing all she has to say. I can only hope that our relationship continues to grow and we keep bonding like we are now. I look forward to many, many great memories with her. Thank you, Gabby for being the little girl I always dreamed of having.

Black Birds

So, we've got a little problem at the Beeman House. We seem to have a family of blackbirds that have nested in our gutters on the highest corner of our house. While I don't like them and I despise the mess they are making out of the back of my house (bird poop on almost every window and all over the siding), it really is funny to watch Brad. I giggle and call him out to the kitchen in the evening to let him know his friends are outside looking for things to take back to the nest and he almost comes unglued. What he'd really like to do is find a B B Gun and shoot at them but I think he's refraining out of fear that we may get a "Redneck" sign up in our yard if he does. He has put in a call to "Creatures Great and Small" and we are planning to have them come soon to help the birds find their way out. This is the second summer we've had trouble with them, last summer they kept getting into our grill and building nests. Yes, every time we wanted to grill, we had to clean it out and get a good fire going before we could put food on the grill. There are some birds I love...but blackbirds aren't one of them!

Life's a whirlwind

It's been awhile since I last posted. Over 6 weeks to be exact. There was a time a couple of weeks ago that life was so hectic, I couldn't catch my breath. I had been cleaning some extra houses and felt as if Brad and I were meeting each other coming....and going. It took his dad's surgery to break us out of our crazy routines so we could take a day and head to Noblesville to see him. Having time in the car with Brad was good for both of us. With my sister getting married in just 8 days, there have been many opportunities to share with her what has helped Brad and I to "make it" in our marriage. The one thing I always stress is that communication is so important and yet, while I was giving this advice, I wasn't taking it myself. There was finally a day that I just broke down as I felt like I was living under the same roof as the love of my life and NEVER saw him. Our "communication" was all taking place through email or phone conversation throughout the day because our evenings are usually consumed with our kids or other activities or meetings. I missed my husband and I wanted him back! I wanted the time that I used to get with him. So, you can understand why I was more than happy to take off for Noblesville, knowing I would get the one on one time that I needed with him and I'd even get to share a meal with him...ALONE! No kids, no interruptions. Just Brad and I. It was great!

After our day together, I felt like I was refreshed and ready to go on. I felt like I got the time I needed with him and although I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, it's those little bouts of one on one time that mean so much to me! Thank you, Brad.

So what have we been busy doing? Well, about 4 weeks ago, we had our annual garage sale. This is the third year we've done it and I always wonder if it's worth all the work and trouble. We didn't make much money off of it this year but I always feel better after it's done because I don't bring much (if anything) back into the house once it's out so there's a sense of accomplishment knowing I got rid of a bunch of stuff.

I also completed another year as MOPS coordinator at our church. It was a crazy year with it being such a long winter and many meetings were cancelled but the year ended on a good note and I look forward to next year.

Brad is keeping busy at the office and still LOVES his job. I have tried to simplify my own life by only cleaning on Wednesdays so that he can spend more time at the office. He also took over a vacated position on our Home Association Board so that takes him to meetings at least once a month.

In the midst of this, we are still a family with young members and so we keep busy just being mommy and daddy to Carson and Gabby. With as much frustration as we sometimes experience with this job, Brad and I love it and they are our pride and joy. I used to say that one day, this will slow down and one day, it may but until then, I'm doing my best at just trying to hold it all together and take care of what's important. I'm learning to say no to things in order to simplify and it's helping.

Different Thoughts and Emotions

Today was a weird day emotionally for me. This morning I got news that a classmate whom I graduated high school with, lost her dad and I think it's fair to say he went suddenly. They still don't know what went wrong. I got news yesterday afternoon through my sister that 2 weeks ago Tom went to the doctor and they thought he had flu. On Thursday or Friday, he called his daughter and asked her to take him to the hospital. She got him there only to find out his kidneys were failing and he was in grave health. This morning, he was gone. This is the second classmate in 6 weeks who has lost a parent and these people are in their middle to upper 50's, I'm guessing...still very young. I feel like as I get older, I notice more and more young people dying and I don't know if it's just because I'm older and more in tune to what's going on or if it really is that more young people are dying. I look at the two grandparent's I still have left and think it must be so hard to be one of a few in each of their circle of friends who still survive. It just breaks my heart. I told Brad today that I don't know why I let it affect me so much but I just think of Tom and remember somewhat knowing him when I was growing up. He was always very nice and friendly, a joker! It's so sad to think that Sabrina has lost him at such a young age for not only her but him! I can't even imagine what that would be like.
Today also marks the 17 year anniversary that I lost my paternal grandfather to cancer. He was 65 and battled that awful disease for about 18 months. I can still remember seeing him in his last days in bed, not really able to talk and just sleeping a lot. We knew it was close to the end and yet you're still never really ready to say good bye. The shock is still always there when it happens. My grandmother is now 83 and is just as spry as ever! I hope to be half the woman she is when I get to be her age! She gets up every morning to walk and still travels! We never know if she's going to be home or not when we're in town but I'm so happy she remains active! I love you, Grandma!
On a higher note, we attended a wedding for one of my cousins today. She was beautiful and they seem very happy together. Jenna has dated Pete for 6 years so I'm guessing they know each other pretty well! I wish them all the best and as I sat at the reception, I was reminded of our own wedding day which we will celebrate in two days. On Monday, Brad and I will have been married for 7 years and this fall will mark 10 years that we have been together. It doesn't seem possible that we have been together for that long! Everyday I love him more for who he is and what he does for our family! God has richly blessed me by putting him in my life!
What a bittersweet day it has been! It really forces me to sit back and examine the way I live my life. I could be gone tomorrow. Am I leaving the impression I want to leave behind? Am I working on it every day that God allows me to live??? I want to leave an impression that will last far longer than my life here on Earth. How about you????

The Great Escape

This past weekend, I escaped the house without husband or kids and left for the mountains of Tenessee! My mom and sister, along with family friends of ours, Nancy and her daughter Heidi were invited to a wedding down in Pigeon Forge and had rented a cabin for the weekend, complete with it's own hot tub so I took advantage of the opportunity and went with them.

We left early on Friday with plans to arrive there before dark which went off without a hitch. We had dinner before getting to our cabin and then had time to sit in the hot tub and get some more chatting in (after 11 hours in a car together) before we turned in for the night. When we woke up the next morning, we got ready and ventured out for breakfast and then took a drive through Gatlinburg! I must say, I was not impressed. Not too much to see there! What I forgot to mention was that when we arrived in town, we were informed that we had come into what was a called a "Cruise In" weekend. A time when people from all over fill up the town and bring old cars or just their own cars and cruise the main drag! What a headache! Bumper to bumper traffic and took us two hours to travel 2 miles! It was awful but the good thing was that our cabin was tucked away where it was quiet and lucky for the other girls, the wedding was there at the resort where we stayed so they didn't need to fight traffic to get there, just the hills...IN HEALS!

Since I knew I was going to be near the area that Brad's stepmoms parents lived, I had called them before we left to make plans to get together. So....they picked me up at 3:45 on Saturday and we fought traffic for 2 hours to get to a huge park called Cade's Cove. It was worth the trip as we saw a lot of deer, 94 to be exact, along with wild turkeys and some amazing scenery (pictures to come when Brad gets them downloaded for me) and cabins that were hundreds of years old. It was a peaceful ride and I did enjoy the sights of the mountains and valleys. It was so nice to see that there are still places God created that we haven't destroyed yet with buildings. What a quiet place of serenity and peacefulness. The only bad part about this trip was that due to traffic and the fact that we drove through this park, that meant I got 6 hours in the car and I felt bad for grandma and grandpa, along with her sister and brother in law as they still had to get me back to my cabin and drive 2 hours to get home, and it took them 3! I arrived back at the cabin at 10:15 and was happy to stretch my legs and chat with the girls awhile before we all turned in for bed.

The next morning, we left at 8:45 in order to get ahead of the cruisers and get headed back north! I looked at the clock at 8:30 and thought, I CANNOT get back in a car for another 9 hours in the car, I just can't! Well, I did and I survived! We actually chatted most of the way home again and only stopped 3 times for food and bathroom. We arrived back in Ft. Wayne at 6:30 and while I found myself longing for the peace, quiet and scenery of the mountains, it all melted away when Carson and I crawled up in my bed to catch a few minutes of t.v. before his bed time and he fell asleep in my arms! Ahhh...peace, quiet and serenity! All the comforts of home!

Thank you mom for taking me and covering most of my expenses! I appreciate it so much and thank you to Jen, Heidi and Nancy for letting me tag along! I loved spending time with you girls again and getting away for awhile!

Grandma and grandpa, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to come and get me to show me around and for dinner! It was so nice to see you again!

And before I close, thank you, Brad! He took on the weekend with both kids and no help and it went great which was a huge relief for me. It was nice to get away and know the kids are getting to that age where it is possible for one adult to take care of them for an extended amount of time and not miss the extra help too much! It really helped to take away the guilt I felt for leaving him alone for that long! Thank you, Brad for being the husband you are to me and the daddy you are to our kids! I could never have married any better as I got the best there is in you! I love you!

Keep reading

O.k. so after you read the "Disney on Ice" post, keep scrolling down. There is another one there. I have no idea why it is spread so far apart. I am beginning to think maybe I'm not cut out for this blogging thing...can't post pics the way I want them and now can't even get them to stay together but oh well.....gives you a good idea of my life some days, not being able to hold it all together. Isn't that what being a mom is all about??

Disney On Ice

Last month, Gabby's aunt Amber treated her to Disney on Ice for her birthday. Well, we thought it would be fun to make a girls night out of it so my niece, Lauren and I went along. We all had a great time. I think the teenager and two adults loved it just as much as the little girl! I didn't know at first if Gabby's attention span would handle all the sitting but she was absolutely perfect the entire night. The look on her face each time a new set of characters came out was worth a million. She is still talking about it! A big thank you to Amber for making Gabby's night! A great birthday gift too! Gabby will remember it forever and I don't have to pick it up off my floor everyday! Thanks for a great time!

Easter Eggs

O.k. so I'm still trying to figure out how to post the pictures and a new post all at the same time. I know I'm terrible but I'll keep working on it....when I have time, which is never. So, I decided to try painting eggs with the kids this year. I have fond memories of the Lambright side getting together well into my teens and always painting/hunting eggs. As we got older, it was fun to see who could create the most unique egg. While I'll admit to being a bit nervous with Carson and all the dye that we had on the table, with Brad's help, it really went pretty well. So here are the pics. I'll try to add captions but don't promise anything. Here is a picture of the finished products with Gabby
trying to get her face in on it at the last second. I posted this picture
last but it somehow made it to the top of the post....go figure!

Gabby and her first colored Easter Egg!
She was so proud! It was pretty cute.

Carson and his dad, waiting on his egg to finish!

Patience is something we are working on so this was a great exercise for him.

Binky Weaning Update

So here's how the past two nights have gone. Last night, he woke at 12:30. I assume this is because he didn't have his binky to pop in his mouth. So, I got up with him, gave him a glass of milk and rocked him for a few minutes and then put him in bed. He then slept until 9:30 this morning. Not too bad! However, when he woke up this morning Gabby got him out of his crib and he came waltzing into my bedroom with a pacifier he had found, in his mouth and grinning from ear to ear. So, I had to break another one and put it in the bowl in the cupboard for him to find. When he asked for one tonight, I took the bowl out and let him take it out. Same reaction as last night.....too funny! He realizes it's broke but can't figure out who's doing it!
Tonight he woke around midnight and while I wasn't in bed yet, I was certainly heading that way. So, another glass of milk and 5 minutes of rocking and he's back in bed. Let's hope we don't see each other again until morning!
I had a friend from high school tell me I'm gonna have to scour the house for stray binkys! I think she's right however, I think Carson will do a better job than me and probably has more time so I guess I'll just have to keep breaking them!

Binky Weaning

So...as you all know, Carson turned two just over a month ago. When I had Gabby, I swore I would never let her have a pacifier because I didn't want her getting hooked on it and then the worries of having to wean from it. While we were still in the hospital, I was having trouble getting her to calm down one night and my nurse suggested I use a pacifier. Reluctantly, I gave in and who wouldn't at 3 in the morning! I would have done almost anything. Well, long story short, I had Gabby weaned off by 4 months and was so proud of myself! No problems, she didn't even miss it.
Then Mr. Carson came along. Of course, I started out letting him have it because I knew the plan, have your binky 4 months and then it's gone! Well, 4 months turned into 6 and then I started watching another 6 month old full time so it wasn't a good time to listen to a baby cry when he could just have his binky. Finally, 6 months turned into 2 YEARS! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I set a few dates for myself as times to rid our house of the God forsaken thing and then Carson would get sick. What decent mother takes their kids' binky when they're sick?! So, he had the flu last week and is over it and I decided last night that today was the day! I got up and snipped the ends off of all his pacifiers! (O.k. I kept 2 just in case tonight was a total nightmare.) As we neared toward bedtime, Carson started requesting it. Side note: when your kid can tell you he want's his pacifier, it's probably time to get rid of it! So I let Carson pick his binky out and he looked at it like, "What the heck? Who ate the nipple off?" He then looked back at me and handed it to me, looking for another one. I asked him if it was broken and he nodded so I told him to throw it away and explained to him that the rest were broken too and we had to throw them away.
He did it and got rewarded with a snack which made him happy and he never asked for it again until it was time to go to bed. I then again explained that they were broken and we had to get rid of them. Telling him he was a big boy and didn't need them anymore kind of seemed to help. We went upstairs and brushed his teeth and I put him in bed. There were a few intermittent cries but I never had to get him out of bed so I think (knock on wood) we may be free from the binkys! At least I'm hoping!!!!

In sickness and in health

Well, the Beeman house has finally been affected by the stomach flu! I just got done bragging to a friend last week how we have gotten through the winter without it and then WHAM! Gabby ended up with it late Thursday night. The weekend came and went without anyone else getting it and then WHAM! it was here again. Carson suddenly became fussy just before 7p.m. on Monday and it wasn't long and he was vomitting everywhere! If you're a parent, you know how difficult it is to watch your children go through illness! It's heartbreaking! Last night was very difficult and then when we finally got the kids to bed, Brad and I sat around looking at each other like we were waiting to see who would have their head in the toilet first. All evening, our stomachs were a little "off." So far we are doing o.k. but I don't quite feel right today and was up and down with Carson all night last night. Brad even left to go get liquid motrin at 5a.m. because Carson refused to take the caplet form.
I write all of this because as I was thinking about it today, I realized how well Brad and I work as a team in situations like this. I mean, don't get me wrong, we work as a team when we're all healthy too but I really feel we both meant it and knew what we were saying when we promised to care for each other "in sickness and in health." I also think this spills over to when you have kids and they are sick as well.
Last night when Carson was a mess, Brad jumped right in to help me get things cleaned up and trust me, Brad does not do well around that kind of thing, but he did it anyway. After things were calm, he took Gabby on a nice bike ride, just to get her out of the house so Carson and I could get some peace. This morning was Gabby's 5 year check up at the pediatrician. Brad put his work schedule on hold and took her in and then took her into the office with him so I could have the day to rest, take care of Carson and myself! Yes, Gabby is blessing Hostetler Insurance today with her presence! I hope and pray it's going well!
So I guess I just want to say, thank you, Brad for lending your helping hands and being such a great support through this! I don't know what I would do without you!
I'd also like to thank my sister who is going to pick Gabby up this afternoon after she gets off work so Brad can tend to an appointment he has! Thanks, Jen! I appreciate your help today!