Mr. Swimmy

Well, we experienced our third pet death in under 3 weeks, this morning. I don't know why all of a sudden we're having this much trouble, but we are. Last Friday night at about the same time our beloved Nomar passed on, two weeks before, Gabby found one of her fish dead in the tank. While she took this loss MUCH better than the bunny, (and I thought it comical when I text Brad and asked him if he could bury the fish when he got home) it was still sad for her and yet another reality check that death is real and it's premanent. By the way, we flushed the fish.

On Saturday, we went and got another fish because you see, the one that died is the kind that actually did most of the tank cleaning for me. We brought him home and the kids named him "Mr. Swimmy." Well, today is Thursday, five days after we brought "Mr. Swimmy" home and as Carson and I were feeding them this morning, Brad walked into the kitchen and asked how the new fish was doing. I responded by saying, "Oh, he's doing great! He was swimming all over yesterday." At the same exact time I said that, I noticed "Mr. Swimmy" was lying belly up on the bottom of the tank. I knew immediately that was going to mean a fast trip to the store this afternoon to get back and have another one in the tank by the time Miss Gabby got home from school.

As I was putting "Mr. Swimmy" in a ziploc bag and throwing him into the freezer..because, you see, I had a full morning, I didn't want him to stink and I was not paying for another one, Carson asked me, "Mr. Swimmy died?" I responded by saying yes and Carson was over it and skipping out the door to school. So....after I picked him up from school, I rushed home, fed him lunch and called the aquarium store. They were open so I grabbed a sample of water from the tank, our now very cold "Mr. Swimmy" and my son to head off to get "Mr. Swimmy, Part 2." We rush to the store, the lady tests my water, tells me 12 things that are wrong with it and what to do about it. She also sells me $12 worth of stuff, gives me some freebies, including a new "Mr. Swimmy." We leave the store, get in the car and I am bustin it to get home because as luck would have it, the "fish lady" tells me I need to vaccuum my tank and add the new chemicals BEFORE I add the new fish to ensure he doesn't kick the bucket too!

While we're driving home, Carson is saying to me, "We got new "Mr. Swimmy? The other one died?" Yes, Carson, that's right. Carson: "I tell Boppy we got new Mr. Swimmy!" WHOA! Ummm....NO! So, here I am, trying to convince Carson that it's not necessary that we tell Gabby about this. We get home, I have 1 hour to clean the tank, add the chemicals and wait 30 minutes for the chemicals to cycle through before I can add this new fish. During this time, I distract Carson by letting him watch his favorite cartoon, hoping and praying to the aquarium gods that he will forget about the new, improved "Mr. Swimmy" before we bring Gabby home.

I get everything done and I get Mr. Swimmy put into the tank. All the fish are happy and I am one relieved mama! We go to school, get Gabby and come home. Things are going well and I am feeling good. I come into the living room and am laying on the floor with the kids, wrestling around when Gabby says to me, "Mom, I really miss Nomar." At this point, I am gasping inside because I know what's coming, 3-2-1....Carson: We got a new Mr. Swimmy today! Dee udder one died." I lay still, staring into space.

Gabby's response...."Mom, I think he's got Mr. Swimmy mixed up with Nomar."

Me...Sigh..."O. O.k." Thinking to myself, just go with it!

Turning 32

I was just flipping through past posts and read my post from two years ago, my "turning 30" post. I remember that birthday like it was yesterday. I cried two days before because I did not want to say good bye to the 20's. On the way home from cleaning a house (in which I cried while I was cleaning) I got a call from a good friend to wish me an early happy birthday. I remember trying to hide the fact that I wasn't excited but ended up telling her that I was a mess!

Well, I'm happy to report that the last first two years of my thirties have been great! While I often wonder where my energy is, I am healthy and happy. I am so happily married and have got two of the cutest and greatest kids on Earth so what's there not to be happy about?!

For me, it's crazy to think that I have now had a driver's license for exactly half of my life. Think about that....I've been driving half my life! I remember the day I got my license. My mom needed something run over to a friend who lived about a mile or two from our house. I thought I'd do her the favor of taking it for her. Why not? I was legal! I took off and was only gone for a short time but when I did get back, ended up getting reamed out because I left the house and didn't tell them where I was going. I couldn't understand what the big deal was at the time but now that I'm a mom, I think I'd have probably FREAKED OUT too!

All this to say, life is good and the thirties are treating me well! Look out, 40! I'm not crying over you in another 8 years (or at least I'm not planning to.)

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God." A verse I don't think about enough and follow enough. The past couple of Sunday's our pastor has been talking about slowing down and making room for LIFE. We live in such a fast paced world that we often forget what that means and the importance of slowing down to just rest, and hear what God is telling us. Sometimes, we get so caught up on "being busy" that we forget to slow down and take care of the things that are really important. This includes rest, that's right....good old sleep! It's hard to slow our minds down at night because of all the stimulus we take in during a day's time. We also spend a lot of time living in the future instead of the here and now. We're caught up thinking about what's coming next or how we're gonna make the next big buck. Don't get me wrong, with the economy the way it is, there are times we need to think that way just to survive.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe just to say that there are some things I can't discuss right now that Brad and I are struggling with and today's sermon really hit home.

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." Two instructions. Simply put.

I shared with Brad today how I really think we need to just take some time to slow down and hear what God is really trying to say to us. The hard part about this is that sometimes, it just takes time. For now....I am going to try to be patient...and still....and know that HE is there. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

A Difficult Change of Perspective

There's no doubt this weekend was tough (refer to previous post). I am tired and drained. I have nothing to give. It's 10:15 and I just got off the couch and am debating on whether I should get dressed.

Losing a pet is hard, especially when that pet was allowed in your home and became a part of the family. Before you have kids, losing a pet is devastating. I remember losing my bunny that I had in college. He had suddenly fell ill also and died at the vets office. It's an awful feeling to get the call that your pet is gone and then they ask, "How would you like to pay the bill?" at 2a.m. even if it is just a rabbit. Before you have kids, your pets are your "babies." They are everything to you, you love them, take care of them and enjoy them so when you lose them, you feel like you've lost the world.

I found this weekend that after you have kids, losing a pet is hard and it's sad but it pails in comparison to the thought of having to lose a child. I don't know how parents that have lost a child, or more than one even go on. I get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I think of it. I just don't think I could continue living. Even when the world seems all wrong, your children are your everything. To lose them is just unimaginable for me. So while I am struggling because I miss the cute things that Nomar did and how good she was with the kids, I am grateful it was a pet and not a child. The hardest part is just helping Gabby grieve. Her pets are her world. One day, she will experience a "difficult change of perspective" too, and I hope I'm here to talk with her about it.

Farewell Nomar

I sit here tonight with my tears. I am sad, heartbroken, exhausted. This evening, at approximately 6:30, we lost our dear pet bunny, Nomar. Nomar came into our life when Gabby was almost 2. At the time, we lived out in the country and I felt Gabby needed something furry to play with. I don't know why a dog didn't seem sufficient at the time, maybe because Benny wasn't too tolerable of her then. So, we set out and bought her a bunny. Being the "farm girl" that I was, I thought, from the looks of it that "Nomar" was a boy. Brad named her after Nomar Garcia who then played for the cubs. As "Nomar" started growing, I realized she wasn't a boy, she was a girl! We kept the name since she'd had it for awhile and Gabby knew how to pronounce it.
We brought Nomar home on a warm summer night and she became Gabby's pet. Gabby LOVED her because she was small enough that she couldn't get away from Gabs so she could pick her up and hold her and pet her fairly easy. I won't say that Gabby never suffered a scratch but it didn't seem to slow her down. I have had ALOT of bunnies in my day and she was the best! She was one of the most tame and friendly rabbits I've ever had. I'm sure this was in part due to the fact she had so much handling when she was young.

Four years ago last week, we moved to the northwest side and Nomar set up home in our garage. Our house has a great big run with a privacy fence and she loved being let loose out there to run around and eat the grass, not to mention, just lay around. She's always been allowed to get cage free time in the house too and was very good about not pottying in the house. In fact, last winter, when it got bitterly cold, I brought her cage into the laundry room. She would get out during the day and when I let Benny out in the run to potty, she would actually follow him out, do her business and come right back in. Nomar did not lack in personality. She could smell a banana from across the room and come begging for it. She loved them! Although Gabby didn't spend every waking moment with Nomar, she did love her and became very attached, as we all did.

Earlier this week, I noticed that Nomar wasn't acting quite like she should. Not having a million dollars in the bank to spend on pets, I thought I'd give it a couple of days and see what happened. By yesterday, she was not eating much so I started calling around to different vets to see which ones would see rabbits. By this morning, I knew she had to go. She wouldn't eat or drink and was kind of lethargic. I had her in at 9:45. The vet thought she looked o.k. I should add here that she had gotten really flaky skin the last week or two. I feared she had mites but the vet thought it was just dry skin. I'll never know how she got it.

Over the course of the day, she became more and more lethargic and was sleeping much more and much harder than I've ever seen her sleep. At about 6:20 tonight, I took her out of her cage and wrapped her in a warm towl. I noticed she could no longer hop properly..her feet were falling out from under her and she couldn't even struggle to get up. I called Brad into the laundry room to discuss where to go from here. 30 minutes prior to this, I had prayed that if she was not going to get better that God would just take her. I didn't want to see her suffer and I didn't want to have to make the decision to have her put down. We decided it was time to go to the vet. Brad put Carson in the car, I explained to Gabby that Nomar wasn't well and I didn't know if she'd be coming back home with us. I had Nomar wrapped in her towel, grabbed my purse and was almost out the door when she let out a few soft cries and took her last breaths, and she peacefully slipped away into what I'd like to think was to Heaven to enjoy the fresh clover and wait until we joined her again.

As she laid so still in her towel, I sobbed in Brad's chest as I knew in the very near future, I would have to tell her best friend, Gabby, that she was gone.

It has been a rough night. But, we've shared laughter and tears over the funny things that Nomar had done throughout her life as a Beeman Bunny. Her burial took place in the run, right in the spot that she loved to lay...picked out by Gabby. May you rest in peace, Nomar! Thank you for being the pet my daughter needed and loved. You gave us 5 great years and you will forever be missed. You were loved!

Time for a post...

I think it's time for an update...actually, it's time for a lot of updates but here's a short one. Now that Carson's in preschool, I plan to get more posted on here but bear with me a couple weeks.

So we've got big news here at the Beeman house! Miracles DO happen! Carson is almost potty trained over the course of 1 week! YES! There is a God!

I was recently given a tip by a girl I graduated high school with on something new I could try with Carson. Something very similar to what I've tried before but not quite the same. So, last Friday, I took Carson with me to Meijer to get some groceries. While there, we visited the toy aisle. I let him pick out a Buzz Lightyear matchbox car, which is pretty cute by the way. We brought it home and put it on the shelf in the bathroom. I then explained to him that we were not going to open the toy until he filled a sticker chart by going to the potty all by himself, while also wearing clothes. We were seeing a lot of his little naked behind because it was the only way he would go on his own. Otherwise, I had to always remember to take him and it was wearing on me. Keep in mind, we've been working on this consistantly since the end of February.

I also explained to him that I would award him with a sticker and a skittle every time he went to the potty by himself. I haven't really acknowledged the accidents, just changed him and went on.

I am elated and proud to say that in the last 6 days, we have had 3 accidents. He's even told me when we're out in public or the car and been able to hold it until we get to a bathroom. So, tomorrow will complete our one week sticker chart and Carson will get his car! I think he's excited but I think I may be even more so! Gonna have to head out tomorrow and get another reward for the shelf. I swear I'll buy $3 match cars for a year if I have to!