Week 3-Love Deeper

"Love Deeper." Hmmm, how can I do this when I feel like I pour out all the love I possibly can to my kids all day, every day? The Bible says that we should "love our neighbor as ourselves" and I gotta admit that if I did that EVERY day, they wouldn't be feeling much love from me because I don't feel much love for myself when I'm exhausted and feel like I've put in 46 hours in a 24 hour time span. So how do we love deeper? Well, that was our study last week. Here are some questions to think about...

1. What are some of the barriers you have to verbalizing your love? What can you do to overcome those barriers?

2. Think about how you can speak your love in more unexpected ways. How can you remind yourself to do this?

3. Is there a relationship where you need to apply this kind of love? Ask God to help you. He is the author of this love.

Proverbs 10:12 says, "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." This verse is so true! If you think about it, if we loved and treated everyone unconditionally, as we do our own children, this world would be a COMPLETELY different place. There are times we get angry and frustrated with our kids, spouse or family member and yet we forgive and move on because we love them so much.

So, my challenge to you is to love deeper. Love your family deeper, love your neighbor deeper and love your boss deeper! And yes, if you've had a friendship go sour, try loving them and see what happens. In closing....

Romans 12:9-10 "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."

Live Like You were Dying, Week 1

So we just finished week one of our "Live Like You Were Dying" study and I must say, it got me thinking on some things. The whole week focused on what you would do if you were given 30 days to live. When I first thought of that question, my first reaction was that I would travel to some place warm, with sand. I wanna be by the water!!! And without a doubt, I would take my family. I want to be with those that I love and that love me most. At our small group on Wednesday night, the majority of the group said they would travel to places they had never seen before, and then there were the "sports guru's" that had college and NFL games they'd like to squeeze into 30 days and attend.



Another thing that was discussed in the book was to do a "gut check" and find some things that bother you that you just need to let go. When I thought about this, I honestly don't have any grudges that I'm holding against anyone (right now) and I'm not upset with anyone, it was more about things that just plain annoy me and how I sometimes let it annoy me so much to the point that I get angry about it. I am still working on figuring out how to let that one go!



Lastly, I thought a lot this week about how I connect and listen to what God is saying. Sometimes, it is hard to do this in the midst of kids screaming or talking nonstop but I found myself crying out to him for strength at one point this week. On Thursday, i took the kids to wal mart for just a few staple items. One of those items was diapers, so as we were in the diaper aisle, Gabby found something that had "Lightening McQueen", from the movie, "Cars" on it. Well, I know she meant well as she wanted to show Carson so she put it in the cart with him. By the way, Carson LOVES "Cars," this was not an item that I had on my "to buy" list so I had to take it away and put it on the shelf. This caused a huge uproar! You know, the kind you hear across the aisle when you're at the store and you start staring because it's so distracting? Yep, I was that mom on Thursday. So, I had one or two more things to get and while I quickly pushed the cart through Wal-Mart, Carson screamed at the top of his lungs the WHOLE time. As we approached the check out, the man asked Carson if he could place his yogurt on the belt so he could scan it. This only caused more screaming and I had to wrestle it away from Carson. He was soon holding his yogurt again but still screaming.

I quickly whisked both kids to the cart and put Carson in his car seat, still screaming. I know I didn't ever scold Gabby for putting the item into the cart but I did tell her, very sternly that she cannot just put things in the cart because Carson doesn't understand he can't have everything he wants. We finally got home and he continued screaming the whole way home. Once we got into the house Gabby disappeared upstairs and I just sat down on the couch with Carson and cried with him. As I sat there, I cried out to God, just asking him to help me get through the day because we still had 2 hours before Brad was even close to getting home. When I finally realized Gabby wasn't coming back down, I called for her and she came down. I finally got out of her that she thought I was mad at her so I explained what was going on and we cried a little more and finally were all able to get on with our day. I felt like God had taken the burden and held it for me. The rest of the day went o.k. but it felt great to get Brad home that night. It's not only in those times that I find myself connecting with God, I praise him in the good too but I share this story because you can talk to him in all kinds of circumstances. Sometimes what you have to share with him is a praise or a thank you for a blessing and sometimes it's just plain raw.

So, I leave you with a few of the questions that had my wheels turning this week.....

1. If you found out today you only had a month to live, what immediate changes would you make? Which of these could you make right now?

2. Do a serious gut check about what has a hold of your heart. What is one thing you need to let go of today?

3. How and where do you best hear from God?

Have a great week!

Empty Tank

So I feel like I've been running on empty a lot lately and felt the urge to write. When I became a mom, my life INSTANTLY changed. My life was no longer about me, it was about the two, and now four eyes that look at me everyday for food, nurture, love and care. While I was prepared for this, I don't think I was prepared for how empty motherhood can make you feel at times. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is the absolute best job in the world but there are times when you realize that you are so busy putting your children and others first that you literally have forgotten to take care of yourself. Brad and I have a running joke that he doesn't have high expectations of how the house should look when he gets home from work, he just asks that I not be wearing the same outfit I had on the night before when I went to bed, my p.j.'s and with winter coming, there will be a great chance that those days will return! Right, Brad?

Someone once asked me if I thought it was harder to be a stay at home mom or be a working mom with your kids in daycare. I've been blessed since I had Gabby to stay at home and not work full time so this is is strictly my opinion but I do think being a stay at home mom is harder and this is why....if you are a working mom, you have your schedule. You wake up, get yourself and the kids ready and leave the house. You go to work, eat your lunch with adults, or alone and then at the end of the day, you pick up your kids, take them home, do dinner and hit the sheets for the night in preparation to get up and do it all over again. O.k. there are some other details that need to be inserted there but you get the point. If you are a stay at home mom, you wake up, make breakfast for your kids and feed them. Then, you sit down to eat breakfast, leave the table mid meal and go change a dirty diaper, split up a fight, select a new show for your child to watch on t.v., clean up dog puke, the list could go on and on and then you finally return to your cold breakfast in time to feed it to the dog and get ready for lunch. In between that, you are picking up toys, serving snack, taking phone calls while kids hang on your pants, yadda, yadda. And then, go ahead and add to the list, you are the first person people call when they need something because you're a stay at home mom and don't have anything else going on! Aaahhh!

Well, a few years ago, I, along with a friend, decided we needed a MOPS group at our church. At the time, it was a great fit for me. I needed something else to identify myself as, other than "a mom." I have loved MOPS and I have found a great gift in it but, with all things, this chapter is about to end as it's time to hand over the torch. I will take many great memories with me and hope MOPS stays at Sonrise for a long time to come.

Now where was I?? I guess what I'm trying to say is that after examining all that I do (and I'm no saint) I am starting to see that my "serving tank" is running on fumes. Ever since Carson's diagnosis, it has taken a lot out of me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Brad asked me today as I was crying to him over the phone why I never said anything and the truth is, it's been a long time coming. I have slowly been taking things off my plate because I knew it could get to this point but now it's coming to a head.

A mentor of mine was over today and while I never expected the conversation to be going there, I sat at the table and sobbed as I told her about exhausted and burnt out I am. At the end of the day or week, I feel like I have nothing to give my husband or kids. By the time I get up and get the day started, deal with Carson's issues as they arise, services in the house twice a week, cleaning two days a week, Gabby and her neediness, along with getting her to school and homework handed in on time, MOPS and all of the "normal" day to day activities that have to be done around the house, I'm done! While I know this is just a season of my life, this is just how I feel! I'll get through it, just venting!

So I'm looking for ways to refill my tank! I think it's going to take awhile, it won't be done overnight but if I can juggle all those balls, then I surely can figure out how to take a couple out of the mix! Thanks for reading!

Live Like You were Dying

It's very possible that you have heard the words to the song you hear playing right now. But, have you ever really THOUGHT about the words and what they mean? We're getting ready to dig into this phrase a little more at church over the next four weeks. Brad and I have also joined a small group that will meet once per week to explore this with other couples.
Our sermon today started this series and it was about LIVING like you were dying. One of the verses today was "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12. I thought about this verse and wondered if I do this on a day to day basis. Sometimes I think I rush through each day as if I'm in a hurry to get to the next and yet, I'm never guaranteed tomorrow.
The first point Pastor Stan made was this:
1. Live with a sense of urgency. Live with no regrets! NO REGRETS! This means in what I say to others, how I act not only in public but also at home with those that love me most.

2. Live with a sense of eternity. Sometimes, instead of focusing on what we can have or want here on earth, we need to focus on what we're going to have when we leave this earth. All of our possessions here are temporary. When we get to Heaven, it's FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER and nothing that we had here will even matter.

3. Live with a sense of priority. What do I need to put aside? Is it jealousy? Is it hatred toward someone or something? What am I carrying around with me that may not be glorifying God?? I need to drop it now!

Hebrews 9:27-28...."Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgement, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people, and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him."

So join me in this journey and take time to sit down and think about...What would you do if you found out today that you had 28 days to live????
I hope to blog each day about the daily devotion that I am doing and the questions at the end so you too can "live like you were dying!"

Mental Overload

I think when you first have children, you lower your standards for yourself. You first "think" you'll still be able to get it all done like, cooking, cleaning, and care of pets but it's not long and you find that the dishes are piled up, mildew is growing in the shower and the dog is sending stares your way while pawing at his dish to ask for some food and water because let's face it, his feeding time was at 8:00a.m. and it's now 8:00 P.M.!

This past week was no different. I really have felt since Carson came along that I had a strong hold on things. I mean, no, I never did find the "clean freak" I used to be but lately I at least feel like I'm keeping the dust and mildew to a minimum but lately, with all that I have taken on, my mind has been on mental overload! I can't keep days straight and I feel like I'm running in circles. Last week I found a homework assignment of Gabby's that was sent home at the beginning of September and due by the end of September. I had totally forgotten about it and ended up sending it in a day late. I thought to myself, "Here we are, kindergarten and I can't even keep due dates straight and send it back on time." I can't even be mad at Gabby because while we do teach responsibility at our house, she is only 5 and almost all of her homework requires some assistance so it has to be done when I have a chance to sit down and do it with her.

In addition to all that goes on here with school, services for Carson and normal household duties, I am currently cleaning 5 houses and an office so on Tuesday afternoon and all day Wednesday, I'm working and then add to that every first and third Thursday of the month I'm leading a MOPS group and some days it feels like I just can't hold it all together and yet I can't drop any of it. I am currently in my last year with MOPS and it is one of my passions to keep going but I finally came to the realization that I can't keep it going alone. I recently had a chat with one of our group's mentor moms and she talked about the importance of raising up leaders within the group in order to pass this down to them. I know she is totally right, but sometimes giving up the power to something you created (with the help of a friend) is hard. I'm slowly working on it though because if I don't my head might possibly spin right off my neck!