Living and Dying

I hate that the inevitable part of living is dying. No matter who you are, if you're alive to read this right now, some day, you are going to die. That's just the cold, hard truth.

I received two phone calls this afternoon, one from each of my siblings, to tell me that my grandpa was not doing well and probably would not be with us much longer. Brian had just been to visit grandpa and said he was refusing to eat and had decided he was no longer going to follow through with his kidney dialysis. The following call came from my sister who had just talked to my mom. Mom had told Jen that she was waiting on my aunt to arrive and they were going to line hospice services up.

Hearing the words that grandpa was not doing well was no shock. He went into the hospital a year ago in June and has not quite been the same since. It's been a roller coaster for him, every once in awhile he had a good stretch but for the most part, he's been weak, tired and depressed. In and out of the hospital and then this past January, his kidneys started failing and he was back in the hospital.

Back in October, grandpa moved into an assisted living facility and absolutely loved it! He had decided to make this his new home. He had everything he needed there. When he left in January for the hospital, you could tell that he longed to be back in his home where he was comfortable and the staff knew him and was familiar with his routine. Before he could go home, he had to stay at a nursing facility for rehab. Over the past month, he has not made much improvement. In fact, he actually got worse after he left the hospital. Last week, my mom received a call from the head nurse at his assisted living who had kept in touch since he was in the rehab facility and shared with my mom that she would be willing to try having grandpa back at home and see what their staff could do to help him. So last Saturday, he was moved back home and this made him so happy!

We went and visited him last weekend and while he was tired, he was so glad to be back at his home. It was nice to see him smiling again but hard to see him so weak. Over the course of the last 5 days, grandpa has gotten much weaker and now we are at this crossroads. Do we follow his requests or do we encourage/force him to follow through with treatment.

He is 86 years old and has lived a good life. He has traveled, been able to meet and spend time with three great-grandchildren who he loves and adores dearly, golfed with his grandsons, played dominoes with "his girls" and many other things. He has enjoyed a full life.

It's so hard for me to think about losing him. After he is gone, I have one grandparent left. That is getting too close to the parent generation for me. But, that's not the only reason I hate to see him go. As you get older and have grandparents as a part of your life longer, your relationship with them grows deeper. I love that man so much! I think about life here without him and I'm so sad. Memories of summers that he would come out and hang out at the pool with us or the time we traveled to Florida together..but then I think about what he is getting in return for leaving this earth and I can't help but smile and be happy for him, afterall, he is getting the better end of the deal! I love you, grandpa. Give grandma and all our other loved ones a hug for us and we'll see you when our time here is up.