Second Chance

I'm feeling super blessed and at peace tonight. Today is Gabby's birthday. She is 7 years old and I find it so hard to believe. I can still remember being in the hospital with her. She would sleep all day while there were visitors there and then when everyone left at night, her eyes were wide open and she was ready to look around. She was so tiny. Tiny, almond shaped eyes, tiny mouth (shaped just like her daddy) and of course those tiny fingers and toes. It was that day that I got a glimpse of what it must be like to be God and love us the way he does. There's no feeling compared to it.

When I went to bed last night, I had decided that I would get up this morning and take Gabby shopping to spend some of her birthday money. If grandpa made it to afternoon, then I would leave and go to be by his side again. I felt this way, Gabby would be/feel celebrated if I needed to leave. At 8:30 this morning, I received a call from my dad. He said that the nurse had been in to check on grandpa and fluid was collecting around his lungs. It was a matter of hours and he would most likely be whisked away on angel's wings to go and take his place in Heaven. As I laid in the kids' room and wept, the kids were in and out to check in on me. Gabby understands what is happening, Carson....I'm not sure if he totally can read emotions. I explained to Gabby that we were going to go do some shopping and lunch for her birthday and then I would need to go be with "grandpa great" again. She is so wise beyond her years and said with a smile, "O.k."

I finally collected myself, got up and got ready for the day. Gabby and I left the house around 10 and I then received a text from my mom so I called her back and she let me know that if I wanted to see him, I should probably be there by noon. I was already in the car with Gabby and I felt I owed it to her to spend some time with her on her birthday. I felt at peace that I had seen grandpa on Friday but would have really liked another chance to go back and tell him all the things I forgot when I said good bye before the weekend. I then told mom that if I didn't make it back, I felt at peace but we would play the day by ear and see what happened.

By 12:30, I had gotten Gabby back home and she was thrilled with her new clothes. I called my mom to see how things were and his status had not changed since this morning so I took off for Goshen. I found myself anxious as I drove, praying that he would wait until I got there. I also knew my aunt and uncle were on their way up from Florida so I really wanted grandpa to be able to know they were there before he passed too. As I drove, I cried, I thought about all the things I wanted to say that I couldn't get out on Friday and I thought about childhood memories and how much love that man had for his family. I was having a hard time finding peace as I knew I was so close to seeing him and would just hate it now if I missed him.

I popped in the Chris Tomlin c.d. and it wasn't long until I found myself praising God for the life this man had lived and all the things he had been able to do during his time here. I found peace when "How Great Is Our God" came on. I continued to pray during this time but also knew that if I missed him, it would be o.k.

I arrived at his apartment a little before 2:00. Grandpa was still there. After a little while, I went up beside him and let him know I was there. A smile came to his face....ahh....he knows I am here. Thank you, God! I stayed by his side for awhile longer and let him know that if he wanted to go see grandma, it was o.k. she was waiting for him and while we all loved him, we'd be o.k. here. My cousin had also been telling him this. We are all at the point that we want no more fighting for him, he is ready and we want what he wants.

Grandpa rested peacefully all afternoon. Christy, my cousin would go to his bedside and sit with him at times and reminisce about childhood days. I know he heard us because he'd smile whenever we got to laughing or talked about something good that happened. Even though he never opened his eyes today, he knew he was surrounded by nothing but love.

When I left tonight, I kissed him on the forehead and told him I needed to get back and take care of the kiddos. He gave me one last smile and it was all I needed to have complete peace. Sweet, sweet peace.

Dear Precious Lord, take him. He's ready and we are at peace with it. The love he has shared and memories he leaves, will carry us through.